Fly Before You Fall
by BlueJaz
Summary: An unexpected loss draw two on again off again enemies closer together. Story titled for Cynthia Erivo's song Fly Before You Fall.
1. Chapter 1

Mellie could not believe that she was here standing in front of his grave. It has been three months since his death but it was still difficult to take in. He had left her before; requested a divorce and she gave it to him. They were done. They had dragged each other the through the depths of hell until there was no fight left. And it hurt. It hurt like a gunshot to the chest, but this, this was unimaginable pain. He left her before but that was it. It was only Mellie that he was leaving. Now he had left Karen and Teddy. Now he had left Olivia.

Mellie was surprised to find herself fighting the anger and guilt that tried to bubble up as she watched Olivia wrap her arms around herself, trying desperately to keep from falling apart. He had left her.

For a year after the divorce Mellie was full of anger and resentment, unable to fully accept that after twenty years she found herself alone and not having achieved what she'd dreamed about since childhood. Before she married Fitz she had stopped believing that America would ever elect a female president so she had let the dream die. So, to meet a man who was as handsome, charming and had as much political potential as Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III was a sign that maybe she wasn't meant for the presidency but to be the support behind a powerful man. Maybe it wouldn't happen the way she had always dreamed but she could still live in that big, white house.

Now, she could admit to herself that her initial interest in Fitz wasn't purely romance and no one had a hard time believing that, but what they couldn't seem to grasp was that she had actually loved him. It came as a surprise to her as well. Watching her parents taught her that marriage was about compatability and companionship and not necessarily love. But she had loved him when they said their vowels and continued to for the first few years of marriage. Then Big Jerry happened. Shortly after Little Jerry happened and that was the beginning of the end of their marriage; of their partnership.

She withdrew emotionally. She blamed herself for what happened. She should have told Fitz the truth about their first meeting; how it had been arranged by their fathers. She shouldn't have cared so much about getting into the White House. Cared so much that she basically agreed to keep it a secret. Mellie spent many nights trying to rationalize her decision.

She told herself that if Fitz knew then he would no longer want her. That he wouldn't even be able to look at her if his father, who he often hated, had touched her. It would destroy them and his presidential candidacy. They'd have nothing. She would have nothing, not even her husband. So she kept it a secret and in the end it still destroyed them. The worst moments were when in the middle of an argument Fitz's face would morph into one of pure confusion. It was like a stab to the gut. His marriage was falling apart and he didn't even know why. She couldn't tell him why.

The pain of guilt and regret, anger and frustration would eat away at her from the inside out and instead of backing down she would attack with full force. Yelling and screaming, calling him names, saying things she didn't mean. Things like she never loved him and she wished she had never met him. There were times she could see it in his eyes that he believed her and evetually she got what she wanted. He left her alone.

A part of her blamed him as well. She knew it was irrational and unfair but she did all the same. Why didn't he protect her? How could he not know what kind of man his father was? When he saw that she was pulling away why didn't he try harder to get her to talk to him? It wasn't fair but it was how she coped. Only after the divorce, when she wasn't trying so hard to hold on, did she allow herself to bear the brunt of the blame. She had failed and all her poor decisions had come back to bite her. So much time was wasted and she often found herself wishing that they had called it quits much sooner. Maybe, by now, she would have been happy again. Maybe Olivia would have had more time.

Olivia. In the three years since the divorce she and Mellie had been able to call a truce. They aren't friends but even through the worst of it Mellie has always held a fondness for the woman. She can recall a time, before everything became such a mess, when she thought they'd make good friends. It had been when Cyrus first introduced them and she was impressed by her intelligence, charm and take-no-prisoners attitude. Even though Olivia was younger Mellie admired and respected her. Being a politicians wife gave her very little time and opportunity for genuine friendship and Olivia's presence had lit a spark of hope. When she discovered the affair she felt betrayed by them both. The few times that she or Fitz actually tried to stay away from each other Mellie told herself that things were better but the distance between husband and wife grew. It was like they had forgotten how to act around each other. They fought less, but sometimes she caught herself tip toeing around him. He was like a stranger to her and she didn't doubt that he felt the same. She knew he missed her and it stung, but sometimes she found herself wanting to run some idea by Olivia only to remember that she was staying away. She blamed Fitz for this too even when he told her he was doing it for them. So she found reasons to get Olivia back in the White House. She actually stooped so low as to beg her husband's mistress to come back. In the fight to keep Fitz she was fighting for Olivia as well. Olivia's advice held more value than what was left between husband and wife. She could see now that that was really the moment she had actually given up on saving her marriage.

When Fitz put her out and moved Olivia in she had to watch from a distance as Olivia once again did the impossible by making America fall in love with her. She could tell that Olivia wasn't happy. Of course she was just as good at pretending as Mellie had been, but she had spent enough time with her to know when she wasn't being genuine. When she smiled her top lip would curl just a bit more than was natural and even though her eyes never left the individual with which she was engaged for more than a few seconds you could tell, well Mellie could tell, that her mind was miles away. Fitz didnt seem to realize. His smiles were genuine. He was on cloud nine. She wasn't surprised by this because like most men, unless it was painfully obvious, he tended to believe what you told him. On one occasion she had to stop herself from trying to warn him. It almost felt like self betrayal that she even possessed the desire to do so. When she told Cyrus he said it was just her 'Once again wanting to show that she was always two steps ahead of her husband' and a set up for an 'I told you so' later. Although she would never use those words Mellie knew herself well enough to admit that if the opportunity arose she would not so casually remind him of her warning. So she got over it and tried not to be bitter when they successfully made it through the last year of his presidency. The reality was, she didn't have to try that hard.

Distance and her seat on the Senate had helped to put things into perspective. She was making her own decisions; no longer in the background. Her children were much happier and she knew that was because she was happier. Fitz was happier. When she saw him with Olivia he was a different man. He was like the man she first met but more self assured as if he knew he was where he was always meant to be. She wondered if she would ever know that feeling. Looking at the shell Olivia had become in the short time since his death she wondered if it was worth it. If losing your soulmate did this, was it worth the risk?


	2. Chapter 2

They had made this trip to the cemetery almost every Sunday afternoon since his burial. The first time Mellie had just put Teddy down for his afternoon nap when her phone started to vibrate. She answered distractedly in her rush to leave his room.

"Hello, Senator Grant speaking!"

"I need to see him, Senator. I can't go alone. I know Saturday is your day. I know you saw him yesterday but I can't go alone," said the raspy voice on the other end.

"Olivia? Are you alright?" Mellie asked confused.

"I just can't go alone" she repeated.

"Okay. I'm on my way."

"Thank You," Olivia whispered before the line went dead.

Mellie knocked on Karen's door before poking her head inside. She was reading one of her school books preparing for her return to school that Wednesday.

"I'm sorry to leave y'all, honey but I need you to look after Teddy for a bit. Olivia called and I don't think she's doing well." Mellie explained.

"Olivia called?" Karen asked surprised. There was no animosity between her mother and Olivia but she also knew that outside of the pleasantries they exchanged when Mellie dropped the kids off they didn't talk much.

"I know. It's got me concerned. "

"Sure, Mom, I'll look after Teddy. I don't know if Olivia really has anybody. She needs you, Mom!"

Mellie had to fight to keep the tears at bay. She couldn't believe that through all the drama she and Fitz had dragged their children through her daughter continued to be so caring and compassionate. She had witnessed the dissolution of her parents' marriage and it was no secret that she lay the blame on her father and his mistress. But once she saw her mother begin to heal she forgave her father and allowed her fondness for Olivia to grow.

"Thank you for understanding, baby," Mellie said before she kissed her daughter's forehead and left her room. She grabbed her keys was out the door.

When Mellie arrived there were two secret service agents outside of her door. One recognized her immediately and ushered her inside.

She walked from the foyer past the stairs and through to the kitchen having heard from Karen that that is where they spent most of their time if they weren't in the upstairs den. When she walked past the threshold and spotted Olivia seated at the breakfast nook it was all she could do to keep from gasping.

The first thing she noticed was her eyes. There were dark circles like she hadn't slept since the funeral. Almost two weeks had passed since then. She was already a slim woman but the clothes that were usually tailored to perfection drooped a little. Her hair, that was usually straightened and curled was slicked back into a low curly bun with a few loose coils that refused to be tied down.

At the sound of Mellie's shoes clacking on the floor Olivia moved to stand. Her appearance gave Mellie the impression that she may have difficulty and she rushed to meet her.

" Are you ready?" Mellie asked not bothering to conceal the worry in her tone.

For the first time since she walked in the kitchen Olivia met her eyes and shook her head as her eyes turned glassy. But she blinked back the tears and continued out into the hallway to retrieve her jacket from the closet.

When they pulled inside the cemetery and the car slowed to stop Olivia stiffened in her seat. They were driven by the two agents that greeted Mellie at the door and the whole ride there Olivia stared out the window while Mellie pretended to do the same. Losing Jerry had brought the mothering instincts she never thought she possessed to the foreground and finding Olivia the way she had her on high alert.

Jerry. Her chest tightened when she finally let it sink in that seeing Fitz again meant seeing Jerry as well. Fitz had stated in his will that he wished to be buried next to his son and Olivia made sure this wish carried out. Mellie was grateful for this for multiple reasons. First, it made it less noteworthy for her to visit her ex-husband's grave from an outsiders perspective. Even though he was no longer hers they had been married for twenty years and in that time he had once been her closest friend and confidant, not to mention the father of her children. She knew she would want to visit him. Second, she could do all her grieving in the same few hours never having to leave her sons side to update his father. Third and most importantly Jerry was no longer alone through the night. That was one of the things that hurt the most about losing her son. In the beginning it took everything in her not to bring a blanket and curl up next to her son until morning. She can admit that it was secret service more so than will power that got her off the ground. Even now each time she came to see him it was like ripping open stitches from a would that refused to heal.

She steeled herself against the onslaught of emotions that threatened to spill out and focused her attention on Olivia. She reached out and touched her knee to get her attention.

"Olivia, we're here." She knew that Olivia was aware of their location but spoke anyway to try and get some sort of reaction. She hadn't made any movements to get out of the car.

Olivia looked at her with her eyes full of tears that she refused to let fall. She opened her mouth to speak but gave up when sound refused to come. One of the agents opened Olivia's door but she didn't move. Mellie opened her own door, got out and walked around to Olivia's side. She told the agent that she had it from here and he backed away enough to give Mellie room and still be close enough in case he was needed.

Mellie laid her hand on top of Olivia's clasped one's. "Olivia, I know it's hard. I know you wish that you could be anywhere else in the world but you're here. You need to see him. You don't have to say anything but you need to see him. I bet he wants to see you too." At those words Olivia looked up from their joined hands and into Mellie's eyes. She nodded slowly and moved to get out of the car.

Now here they were, once again, three months later. Olivia's arms wrapped around herself like she was going to fall to pieces if she let go. Mellie didn't doubt that she would. She looked marginally better since their first visit but she was still so fragile. After the first two times Mellie began to anticipate Olivia's call. She had gone back to calling her by her first name instead of Senator and that was all Mellie needed to hear to know what she was asking. In all actuality she didn't even need that. As two o'clock approached she was already mentally locating her things and by the time the phone rang she was headed out the door.

"Mellie."

"I'm on my way."

"Thank you!" Were the only words that were exchanged each call ended.

She had never figured out why she needed to do this with her. She had the red head (Abby was her name) didn't she? Mellie knew she was still around. She had pulled up behind them after they had returned from one of their visits. Mellie didn't miss the look of confusion on her face when she saw her follow Olivia out of the car and walked with her to the front door. She wasn't the only one confused but after a while, for Mellie, it just became a matter of routine.

Maybe she thought Mellie could understand better than anyone else. Mellie had been his wife once. But Mellie knew that she and Fitz never had what he shared with Olivia.

She didn't get the call today, though. Chen 2:30 pm rolled around Mellie decided to call her. When she didn't answer worry began to set in. Their Sunday routine ran like clockwork and now everything was off. Mellie grabbed her keys and a light jacket to buffer the April wind, and left her home.

When she pulled up the long drive to a beautiful white frame colonial style home she was immediately approached by Agent Sumner.

"Has Mrs. Pope decided to go out after all?" he asked.

"I actually haven't spoken to her. I came to see if she was okay, " Mellie answered. "She doesn't want to go the cemetery?"

"No ma'am. She had the housekeeper call down to tell us there was no need to get the car ready. Then she sent her home," he explained.

"Can I go in?" Mellie asked.

"There were no instructions about visitors and I don't think she'll mind your presence."

When Mellie walked inside the house was completely still. There wasn't a sound. She walked back toward the kitchen but when she got there and looked around there was no Olivia. She took time to peep in the dining room, and the formal living room which were so immaculate Mellie had a hard time believing they spent anytime in there at all. Especially not when they had the children. The thought of Teddy and all that white furniture had her torn between laughing and cringing.

She made her way back toward the stairs and called out for Olivia as she began to climb. She received no answer and briefly wondered if she was asleep. When she reached the upstairs landing and looked down the left side of the hallway she saw a room with the door ajar and the lavender curtains that were visible told her that it was Karen's room. It was a little weird knowing that your child had a room you've never seen before. Before Fitz's death she had never ventured beyond the foyer. She certainly had never been upstairs. She was tempted to snoop but she pushed the urge down. She was here for Olivia.

She looked down the right end of the hall and the double doors indicated that this was the master suite. As she headed toward her destination she passed two rooms that were decorated with neutral colors (guest rooms) a bathroom and the last bedroom before the master that had a train theme. Of course, this was Teddy's room. Mellie had a feeling that Olivia was the the one behind the way things were set up. She would understand a teenaged girls need for space, privacy and her own bathroom. She also understood that Teddy needed to be close by in case he needed something. Seeing this, her respect for Olivia grew just a little more. It also made her a little jealous. Olivia didn't have children and yet it seem these things came naturally to her while Mellie had to learn from experience.

When she reached her destination the only thing on her mind was what she would find on the other side of the door. She knocked and called out to her.

"Olivia, it's me! Can I come in?"

She waited for an answer that didn't come. Just when she reached out to knock again one door pulled open and she caught a glimpse of Olivia as she walked back inside the room. She followed her inside. The room was dark so it took Mellie a moment to spot Olivia's petite frame on the bed. She was wearing gray slacks and a cream colored blouse that looked to be only partially fastened as if she started getting ready then gave up. Her hair was in another low bun but wisps of hair were standing up from her careless lounging on the bed.

"I tri- I tried." Her raspy voice cracked. "I tried but it was too much."

Mellie's heart nearly broke at the declaration. She understood.

"Do you want to go? Do you need help? If you don't want to go, I'd be the last one to try and and force you but if you need help, I'm here." Mellie explained.

"I need to talk to him," Olivia whispered. This shocked Mellie. To her knowledge, and she liked to think she had paid close enough attention, Olivia had never said a word, at least not out loud. She had never even allowed a tear to fall.

"Okay. " Mellie answered quickly once the shock wore off. "Can you sit up?"

Olivia moved slowly into a sitting position. Even in the low light Mellie could tell that the circles under her eyes had darkened. She turned away before Olivia could see the worry on her face.

"Where can I find your sh-" she spotted the black pumps before she could finish the question. She grabbed them from beside the nightstand and kneeled before Olivia to slide them on her stockinged feet.

She motioned to Olivia's half buttoned shirt. "Will you take care of that or..." she let her words trail off.

Olivia reached up to button her own blouse and Mellie allowed a wave of relief to flow through her. If Olivia needed her to do it she would but she was satisfied that she could complete that task herself.

She reached out slowly to smooth back the wisps of hair that had come loose but quickly realized her hands wouldn't be enough. Looking around she spotted a brush on the edge of Olivia's vanity and moved to grab it. For this to work she had to kneel on the bed behind her and she found herself pushing away thoughts of this being the bed that her ex-husband shared with his new wife. Olivia needed help. She needed her.

When her hair had been smoothed sufficiently Mellie replaced the brush and stood before Olivia. Without asking she grabbed both her hands in hers and squeezed, gently signaling that it was time to go. Olivia took in a shuddering breath and moved to stand. Mellie moved them quickly through the house only stopping to grab a light jacket and hat for Olivia to wear.

Once seated in the car Olivia shocked Mellie by grabbing her hand tightly and holding on for the entire ride.

She watched as Olivia stood as still as a statue in front of Fitz's gravestone. Mellie stood a few feet away to give her a little privacy and tried not to look in her direction for too long. Yesterday, like ever other Saturday had been emotionally draining for her and the children. She needed to remain strong for them. She had promised that to herself as well as their father. She wondered now if that promise should extend to Olivia.

Olivia, who was more broken than Mellie had ever seen her. More broken than Mellie imagined she had ever allowed herself to be. Once again the guilt of having held on for too long bubbled up to the surface. She pushed it down and tried to understand why she cared so much. Why the anger at herself for holding on too long had become more about the time Olivia would never have and less about all the time that she had lost.

Mellie tore herself away from her inner musings to check on Olivia and realized that her entire body was trembling violently. She rushed to her side. Mellie noticed that even though her body was wracking with pain she still refused to let a single tear fall. She wondered if Olivia had allowed herself to cry since the funeral. 'What she still in shock from the surprise of it all?' Fitz had die swiftly and suddenly from a brain aneurysm. He had never even made it out of bed that morning. 'But could someone remain in shock for so long without needing medical attention? Did she need medical attention?' Mellie's thoughts were running wild when she heard Olivia whispering something over and over.

"I told him, I told him! I told him!" she cried.

She grabbed on to Mellie as she let loose some of the most heart wrenching cries Mellie had ever heard. Tears finally began to fall so Mellie just held her tighter. She didn't bother trying to hold back her own tears. The dam had broken and relief mixed with her own grief swirled inside of her. She cried for the loss of her son. She cried for the loss of her children's father. She cried for the hole in her children's hearts that she would never be able to fill. She cried for the woman in her arms and all she had lost. Olivia's tears soak her blouse and Mellie hoped that she would finally allow herself to grieve and that this was the beginning of her healing process.

Mellie didn't know how much time they spent clinging to each other and crying but she noticed that the sun was beginning to set.

"Can you stand?" she asked quietly.

Olivia, whose sobs had turned to sniffles, nodded her head where it rested on Mellie's shoulder. Mellie's rose to one knee and she followed suit. They both rose to their full height covered in grass stains but neither cared. Mellie spotted what looked to be a photographer in the distance but she wasn't worried. Once a photo of them a the cemetery was run in the Inquirer with a description that hinted at a tension filled run in. She only briefly wondered what creative tale would accompany this trips photos. Then she was on to more important things.

As she led Olivia back to the car she wondered if she could get her to eat anything.


End file.
